Reassurance

I have weekends on odd days as I don't work full time. So, on Monday and Tuesday this week I went on a trip with my friends from church and the Pregnancy Resource Center. I came home late on Tuesday so I could get back on to my regular sleep schedule for work.

Well, when I got home I stayed awake with Ethan to try and find important documents. We both went to bed and he was gone for a meeting when I woke up. Speaking of waking up, my phone was dead and I only had 30 minutes before my meeting at the Resource Center. I rushed to get dressed and ready.

I plugged my phone in until I left. At that time I only had eight percent charge. Honestly, I didn't think anything of it. 

At the center I offered to volunteer and did not get home until around 4 p.m. When I pulled in I noticed something strange. Ethan was in my parking spot. In the month that we have lived here, Ethan has never parked in my spot. Needless to say, I was confused. 

I parked in a different spot and went inside.

"You, sir, are parked in my spot," I teased.

"Yeah, because I'm mad at you," he said looking frustrated.

"Why? Because my phone is dead?"

He nodded and went on to explain that he had tried to call me countless times once he got home. I guess I had forgotten to remind him that I had a meeting too. Apparently, he went to my work to see if I had been called in. Then, when he couldn't find me there, he went to Walmart to see if I was getting groceries. After he couldn't find me there he decided to go home and wait for me.

"I'm sorry, I tried to charge it before I left but I only got eight percent."

I then received a lecture about charging my phone at night while I sleep. I tried to explain I left my charger in the car. It didn't really help my case.

"What if your water breaks and your phone is dead? Then what?" He asked looking concerned.

"Well, then I would find a phone."

"What if you are on your way to your parents and in the middle of no where and your phone is dead?"

"Then, I will drive myself to the hospital and have someone call you from there."

Ethan wasn't too convinced the hospital would be prompt to call.

I know this all seems silly, but I have a difficult time sometimes telling that Ethan loves me. Maybe you have heard of love languages. Let me tell you, they are real. Ethan shows he cares by doing things for me. I however am a very physical person. I want hugs, kisses and hand holding all day long. So, in that respect we are two very different people. 

Lately, I have been worrying that I am going to lose Ethan because I sleep all the time and when I am not sleeping I am working. I was worried that this was going to drive him away. I have no reason for this worry. I know Ethan is faithful and very committed to our marriage and now our son. However, I just couldn't shake this fear. That was until I saw how concerned he was when he couldn't get a hold of me.

Truly, I need to work on receiving love in the way he gives it. Also, I need to worry less. I want Jackson to have a great life and to do so he needs to know that his parents love him and that they love each other too. Not only love, but Jackson needs to be able to come home and feel relaxed. 

In short, today I learned that my husband loves me and isn't going anywhere, and that I need to find a way not to worry about silly things.

Internal Turmoil

Many nights have been filled with prayer, worry and self-doubt. Probably at this point you are thinking I am worried about becoming a mom. However, being a mom is all I have ever wanted. Ever. I only ever thought of career paths because I felt I had to.

Well, now that my due date has changed again, I worry that I shouldn't go back to college this semester. I was given a great opportunity to go back to MSU, but now my due date has our son slated to come on Dec. 1. That would be two weeks before finals.

In a way I feel like the only reason I would be going to school is because that is what you do in 2016. What if I want to be a stay at home mom who raises her children instead of a babysitter or a teacher? I know that I would need a source of income and I am working on figuring that out, but I keep thinking that I am not really going to school for me. I think I'm going for my family and my husband's family.

Today if you don't have a degree, you are viewed as a disappointment. It's so sad for those who have no interest or desire to go to college. My mom will always point out that I loved school, which is true. I do love learning and socializing with teachers and students.

In the end I think that is why I have been sad about not attending school. I like the events and socialization. I am my father's daughter in that I am a social butterfly, but what if I just want to be a mom. Do I have to have a $70,000 degree in order to be a mother?

Also, I hate that so many people turn up their noses at me for 'wasting my life away.' But not a moment would be wasted in raising my son. Not one.

At this point, I am just hoping that I can find a way to be a stay at home mother. When there is a will, there is a way, right?

The Deed (Only for those who want the truth)

Hey guys,

So everyone knows how you make a baby, and that act doesn't stop once you're pregnant. At least not for me and my husband.

However, for the majority of my first trimester I didn't really want to do anything. I did, though, act like I did because I felt like I was supposed to be jazzing for any form of pregnancy. Mom blogs really helped me realize that what I was feeling was normal.

Once I finally felt back to myself again, it was great. But after the deed wasn't. Honestly, I had no idea it would be any different than before the pregnancy.

TMI ahead:

After having fun (as I like to call it) it is gross and messy. Also, if you have no clue what to expect, afterwards can be really scary. For some women they spot, but another common factor is the need for a panty liner because once you are pregnant your cervix is closed and there is no where for the swimmers to go but out.

Condoms aren't always advised because the chemicals and spermicides. I'm not a doctor, but I do try to stay away from chemicals when I can.

If you are like me you have read all the things to look out for; one of those warning signs is the loss of the mucus plug. This being my first pregnancy I don't know what that looks like. So, when something yucky happens afterwards it's hard not to freak out.

After my first fun time during pregnancy, when I went to the restroom and freaked out. I texted a friend of mine who is a new mom and asked her what was normal. Apparently, messes are normal and as long as there is no pain or heavy bleeding, you shouldn't be too worried.

In short, sexy fun times are great during pregnancy, but always expect a mess.


Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and am not attempting to give medical advice.

Hiccups

Hey guys,

As some of you may know, I am four months pregnant. At this point we don't know the gender, but I am definitely starting to show, and baby loves to kick. Especially when I eat spicy food.

This first blog, I am going to go back to the first month of pregnancy. My husband and I planned this baby. However, we didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did. To be honest, I had been praying for this baby since I was 13, More than anything, I have always wanted to be a mother. Thankfully, God answers prayers.

The first month of pregnancy was like any other, except one day I got a little nauseous. I called work because I thought I had the stomach flu. We were short staffed, so I went in any way. As soon as I walked in the door, my boss at the time told me I was pregnant. I told him he was crazy because if I was, at that time I would have only been about a week along.

Later that day, I had a customer give me a tip (which is odd for Little Caesar's). I told him I couldn't take it and he replied, "You need it for that little boy."

I was so confused, but shrugged it off. As the month continued, I started having hiccups. Weird hiccups. Ever since I was a kid, my hiccups were ones that would last forever. Now, though, I only got one hiccup at a time and it was only when I would eat or drink. Believe it or not, this was when I started to believe I was pregnant.

Then, I lost hope. When I would get my period, I would always break out the week before. So, consequently when I saw a pimple on my forehead, I began to cry to my husband.

I am certain he felt like laughing, but he reassured me that if I was not pregnant, then it wasn't the
right time.

Well, the day of my period came and I decided not to take a test. I was afraid to read the word negative. I ate my breakfast and prepared for work. Then, this nagging feeling wouldn't leave. I needed to take the test.

Nervously, I took the test and waited the silly 2 minutes. I was preparing to be let down. But, when the test was over, the best possible word popped up, Pregnant.

I was so excited and wanted to tell my husband, but he works nights and gets home at 5 am. Staring at the clock, it was only 7:30 in the morning. It wasn't fair to wake him up after so little sleep. So I went to Wal-Mart and picked up announcement presents for him.

I wanted a Darth Vader card (he loves Star Wars) so I could write in it, "You are the father." I had discussed this with him before and he thought it was cute. Wal-Mart, though, didn't have any Darth Vader cards. So I bought a book of Star Wars mini stories, a video game expansion and a Darth Vader present bag. After my purchase, I went to work.

I worked for about an hour, then realized I hadn't take my vitamins that morning. I asked my boss if I could run home and take them (yes, I also really wanted to tell Ethan). Luckily, my boss said yes and I ran home.

I went straight to the bedroom and woke Ethan up and gave him his present. He opened it and was beyond confused. When he pulled out the expansion pack, I said, "I figured you could use this expansion because our family is expanding.'

Keep in mind he was barely awake, and he is one who needs about an hour to wake up and comprehend what is going on. So he responded, "You're pregnant?"

I nodded and he said, "Good."

I had sort of planned on one of those reactions you see on Facebook, but he was still basically sleeping.

We are so lucky to be blessed with this baby and that God has provided for us in ways we could never imagine.